Explorer Log: Entry 2 - Essential Bearings for every Human Voyager
Staci Haines is a master somatic coach, author and senior instructor at the famed Strozzi Institute of somatic training. Haines is credited with coining the concept that all humans fundamentally need three things - safety, belonging and dignity. In some ways this builds on and simplifies Maslow’s hierarchy of human needs.
So - all humans need safety, belonging and dignity.
Safety is a sense of security - that one will have access to shelter, food, water; that one does not need to worry about bodily harm or danger.
Belonging is a feeling of connection - as social animals, we humans need to be part of a network in order to feel whole.
Dignity is a sense of pride - this can come from pride in contributing to a community, self-respect in having a job, or simply the human right to be valued and treated ethically.
I would like to take this framework one step further.
I believe that problems arise and conflicts are exacerbated when we see these three elements as limited resources. When, rather than asking how we can ensure that all experience a sense of belonging, we instead consider another’s belonging as something that risks depleting our own social connections.
Have you ever met a friend of a friend and felt a pang of jealousy, resentment, disdain or similar? This is a small sense of what it’s like to feel that belonging is limited, that if Aaliyah feels like she is friends with Callum, then there’s less room for you in the friend circle. Suddenly your belonging is threatened, limited, at risk because of their friendship. We have all experienced this, whether personally or professionally in the various circles and groups that we find ourselves in.
When our sense of belonging feels threatened, we are suddenly acting from our threat response, stuck in the amygdala - the oldest part of our brain where we first developed the instincts of fight, flight, freeze, etc. This is an important evolutionary development, but not our highest cognitive function. In fact, when we are in a threat response, we often lose access to our pre-frontal cortex - that’s the front of the brain, one of the newest evolutionary features. This is where we have capacity for nuanced thinking, for creativity, for addressing complexity.
But we are wired to scan our environment for threats. And so safety, belonging, and dignity are often seen as under threat, as limited resources. In order for me to belong, you cannot. If you have others’ respect and a sense of dignity, that is threatening to me and I want to take that from you for myself. If I am going to feel safe, you cannot.
And we’ve seen this pattern play out throughout history and across the globe. Rather than seeking to create a world with sufficient dignity for all, we rob others of that need. Rather than structure a government which promotes safety for all, we have systemic injustice. Rather than invite all to belong, we create borders and boundaries to divide and exclude people.
It’s happening right now in Sudan, Myanmar, Israel & Gaza, Ukraine, Venezuela and the United States, among other places.
This tension takes place daily on a micro level, too. A new neighbor moves in and you gossip about them with judgement and suspicion. A colleague comes forward with a proposed change, asks to be taken seriously, and instead is blown off, patronized or criticized. Even the way that chairs are arranged in a meeting, possibly with an inner and then outer circle, sends social signals about belonging, dignity and psychological “safety” i.e. who is encouraged to share new ideas and who is not.
Basic economic history shows us that any time there is a shortage of resources, a hierarchy emerges. There is no exception here. This view that safety, belonging and dignity are limited resources, elements to be won and lost, creates a false sense of ‘have’s and ‘have not’s. When others are seen to have more of each, it can trigger a threat response.
So what can we do about this? First thing is to do a reframe. Safety, belonging, and dignity are not limited resources. These are concepts, emotional needs, binding elements of any human society. There is no quantifiable maximum capacity for these things.
Second is to consider how these show up in your life. When is your threat response triggered by others’ sense of belonging? What does safety mean to you and how do others fit into that equation? What contributes to your own dignity, what brings you self-respect, and conversely what damages your pride? Start to get curious about what these mean for you. And - critically - note that every human will have a unique answer to these questions. With exceptions of basic ethics and harm to others, there is no wrong answer, either. Dignity to one might be mastering a carpentry skill and to another could be breastfeeding a baby. How can you make room for others to have a different way of experiencing these things? Let’s get really curious about others in this context.
Finally, what is one way you can extend an offer of safety, belonging and/or dignity to another this week? Connection and authenticity are key here. Maybe it’s a simple act of making another feel deeply heard. Maybe it’s inviting someone into a social circle in a new way. Or perhaps it’s asking another what is most meaningful to them.
As leaders, we make myriad decisions every day. Consider how you can make different decisions that frame safety, belonging and dignity as the abundant resources that they are.
⭐️ I am deeply invested in you being the best leader that you can be, and partner with clients on three things:
✅ Bringing calm to the chaos
✅ Having clarity in decision making
✅ Maintaining confidence in their leadership
That’s what you get when you work with me - ✨ calm, clarity, and confidence. Interested? Curious? Know someone who might benefit from this work? Let me know and let's explore, together.
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